we're chasing vodka with high fives
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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