id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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