i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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