u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
