The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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