I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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