the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
