Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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