I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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