i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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