i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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