i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
