I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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