the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
