the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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