Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
