so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
