Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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