Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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