I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
