she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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