My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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