girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
