Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize