theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
