I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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