he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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