I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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