I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
