Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
