Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
