i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
