I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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