If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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