I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize