She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
