fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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