five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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