Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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