God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
