how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
