fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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