I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
