just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
