Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
