you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
