Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
