I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
