remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
