My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
