UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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