I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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