we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
