are you so shy because you have an std?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
