I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
