I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
