So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
