dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
