Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
