Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
