HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My feet surprised me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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