im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
