There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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