Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
