i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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