Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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