you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
