Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
