my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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