Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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