Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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