I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
