Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
