In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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