I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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