Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
