Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
