so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
