dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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