I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
