You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
