My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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