Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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